Prayer for the broken

It hurts. God, do you have any idea how much this hurts?

I know that Christianity teaches that Jesus took on all our sin, pains, and sorrows when He died on the cross. I’ve been told that You’ve experienced it all—felt love and joy, grief and sorrow. There is nothing I can feel that You do not understand. Nothing I can say that You do not already know.

But is this really true, Lord? This feels too big. And at the same time, too specific. Surely You didn’t feel this kind of pain. Our cultures and societies have changed. You were without sin. I have way too much of it. Can you really understand?

The right answer, I know, is yes: You know, You feel, You care, You understand, You will never leave me, and You are the source of all hope. I can only find my strength in You. I can only discover answers in You.

But what happens when I know this in my head but don’t feel it in my heart?

What happens when I feel doubt? I want You to be everything You are supposed to be. But I’m afraid that You are not enough. Or that I’m the exception—maybe I’m too far gone. Maybe I’ve made too many wrong decisions. Maybe I haven’t prayed enough, believed enough, tried enough. Maybe You don’t love me enough.

But then I hear You whisper, shushing my objections.

Or is that just wishful thinking?

Lord, I want You to prove me wrong. I want You to push away my doubts and replace my fear with faith. I want it to be an instantaneous, miraculous transformation. But I’m so afraid You won’t come through for me.

And I wonder where that will leave me. What it will say about my faith.

But I guess those things don’t really matter. What matters is that You don’t let go. That You hear my desperate pleas. And that You let me see You.

Oh, Lord, please fix this. Give me hope. Give me something—even the slightest little glimpse, the tiniest little proof that You hear me.

Because, somehow, as afraid as I am to lay myself open wide, to fully trust in You, I do believe. And I pray that this tiny mustard seed of faith will truly be enough to grow into something magnificent.

If You are all that I hope You are, it will happen. And I’m willing to take a chance, because I want to believe. Because I need You, so much more than I want to admit.

So I give You my pain, my fears—and my desperate, fervent, tremulous hope. And I wish, and pray, and wonder, and wait to see what You will do.

Amen.

9 Responses to “Prayer for the broken”

  1. Lissa Mason says:

    Thank you, Kelly. With the tragedy this week involving the person at Wabash, a person I thought was good, solid, this prayer says what I feel but just couldn’t put into words! Your prayers have helped me so many times when I just didn’t know how to express my feelings. Thank you.

  2. Maggie says:

    Kelly, I read all your posts but this one came when I needed it most after two days of weeping. God is using you friend!

  3. Lynn says:

    Having lived over 30 years in pain, I so appreciate this writing. Reminding me to remember the truth of his presence and Praise him in the storms Thank you!

  4. Elizabeth Middleton says:

    This is wonderful, it really touched my heart. Your website looks beautiful by the way. I love the bright, cheerful colors.

  5. Rosy Nkem says:

    You understand our feeling but your understanding can not change the situation. I don’t know what to believe again. I don’t know to pray again,it seems God is very far from me. He can not answer me, He kept me quiet and His quietness is killing me the more. Is my sin is too much that He can not forgive me? I desperately needed Him now more than ever. I need Him talk to me and give solution to my problems

  6. Kelly O'Dell Stanley says:

    Rosy, somehow I missed your comment. I’m MONTHS late replying and I am so sorry. Your sin is not too much for Him to forgive. His love is boundless and He loves YOU. I believe that with all my heart. Sometimes we can’t hear Him, and sometimes it seems He doesn’t answer. But He is there and all we can do is trust that and keep seeking Him. We WILL find Him. We know that because He wants us to accept His love—He went to great lengths to offer it. All the things He did were done so He could have a relationship with us, and relationships have two-way communication. Prayers that you will sense His presence and that you will hear His whispered answers. Forgive me for not responding sooner!

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