Lord, there’s not much more aggravating than someone writing off what I’m feeling by ascribing it to hormones. And yet, my hormones are killing me. Maybe not literally. But I am so full of anger and so easily frustrated. It’s easier to yell than to listen, to slam things rather than simply complete a task. ...Read More
Lord, there’s not much more aggravating than someone writing off what I’m feeling by ascribing it to hormones.
And yet, my hormones are killing me.
Maybe not literally. But I am so full of anger and so easily frustrated. It’s easier to yell than to listen, to slam things rather than simply complete a task.
And my brain—it won’t stop. Like a pinball machine, thoughts ricochet in crazy trajectories, never slowing, never stopping. Until they’re gone. Like my memory seems to be. I can’t remember anything. I’m resentful and stubborn and short-sighted.
Oh, how I need You.
You are characterized by love, Lord, and that’s a million miles from what I’m feeling right now. I want to be filled with Your love. I want to show it to other people. In my rational moments, there is no doubt about this.
But in the heat of the moment, my emotions take over. I can’t pray; my thoughts are in chaos. I can’t rest, but I’m exhausted.
God, be my peace. Be the calm in the midst of the storm. I know this isn’t a tragic situation. I realize there are so many more important needs right now. But I need to connect with You. I need to feel Your soothing presence, to slow myself long enough to simply breathe You in. I need to remember that You are with me and that You are in control. I need to relax into an awareness of You. I need to let go of my hostility and tear down the walls I erect in these moments to keep everyone away.
Help me, Lord. Help me stop resisting You. Help me let You in. Help me put aside my irrational responses and abide in You.
In You. Because that is a place of serenity. Calm. An oasis of peace. A place where I am understood, where I am not overwhelmed, and where I can be fully me. Emotions and all. Good and bad. Somehow there is nothing I can do to push You away. You embrace me, hear me, hold me—and love me. No matter what I deserve, You simply offer me Your love.
And that—that knowledge—is what brings calm to my soul. Tears to my eyes, and a plentiful helping of humility. Grace. It’s what I needed—all that I need.
And it’s exactly who You are.
Thank You, Jesus. Amen.