Prayer for the control freak
Lord, in my head, I know that all control belongs to You—all power, all ability, all wisdom. But the human side of me wants to take control, solve problems, fix mistakes, right wrongs. I want to force the unruly, the frustrating, and the messy into submission. To conquer every challenge. Some days I feel desperate to exert dominance, to subdue the chaos, to inflict structure over all the things in my life that feel out of control. Other days I want to pull my hair out as I confront countless inefficiencies and inadequacies.
I’m thankful for the abilities You’ve given me and for the way you have created me with the desire to do many things. I think that may be why it’s hard to not (attempt to) do/fix/control every single thing. Help me, God, not to overstep. Let me accomplish only the things You have given me to do, and let me step back graciously when it’s not meant for me. Even if I have the abilities needed to do the job. Even if I can find the time.
Because deep down, no matter how I act, I know that I can’t do it all. You didn’t create me to single-handedly fix every problem. If I could, there would be no need for a savior. If I were capable of solving every problem, I wouldn’t know how to lean on You. I wouldn’t see Your incredible capacity for kindness and mercy, Your invaluable wisdom, Your magnificence and glory and power and might and compassion and beauty and love.
I want to yield control to You—I feel that in my heart—but sometimes it’s hard to live it out. To do (or not do) what I should. I want to remember, always, just exactly who You are and who I am in relation to You. When I remember who You are and when I try to fathom the incomprehensible things You can do—have done and will do—it puts it all back in proper proportion. And even though I haven’t tried to exert control, I sense order being restored.
Because what You do is better. Your ways are smarter. Your goals are grander. Your love is deeper.
You, Lord, are my All-in-All. The All-sufficient One. The Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. You are enough. You are more than enough. I am here for You, and I offer myself to You. But because of how much I love You, I will also hold parts of me back. You can do Your work without my help—probably even better when I’m not constantly getting in the way. You solve problems, save lives, heal broken things, restore what has been lost. My illusions of “control” can’t do any of that.
All I can do is what You created me to do. Worship. Pray. Share with others all that You have given to me. And marvel at Your incredible capacity. At the ease with which You direct and control and solve and answer. At the way that You love me anyway. Even when I am out of control. Especially when I let go of control.
Thank You, Lord, for who You are. For all that You are. And for not turning me away even when I’m bossy and controlling and domineering. In Your sweetness, You simply remind me, gently, who You are. Which reminds me who I am, and helps me let go.